Brian

For months
I've been trying
to remember your
name.

For months before
I tried to
forget.

Forget lying,
feet in stirrups,
staring at the
yellow paint peels
dangling from the ceiling.

Forget trying
not to see
tears of pity,
small gasps of
horror
as I felt the
needle slide
in and out,
as I felt their
eyes and cameras
slide in and
across my body
plotting the fingertip bruises.

Without anesthetic,
all the pain 
I felt was
an ache.
Way up inside.

I knew 
they thought they were
mending tears, rips,
lacerations from your raping fist.
But for me,
the needle
just sealed you in.


Kathleen Hover
09/04/01